Hello there. I find myself in a strange country and eager to do more with my time. I've decided after many years to revive this dead blog, as a place to post my thoughts and musings. I'm going to post a story I'm working on. Cheers.

The Red Hat

The cabin door opened and in drifted the girl. There were two people seated inside already; a man and a woman laughing and gaily chatting with each other. Her sober entrance caused an immediate lapse in their antics and the woman covertly scowled. The girl could care less; she had barely registered their existence. She collapsed into the bench opposite them, her head pressed to the window, eyes closed. The girl had amazingly long brown hair that dropped all the way down to her waist, and even in it's currently disheveled state it was something to behold. It covered her face now, and if the strangers could have peered beyond the tresses they would have found her eyes welling with tears. 

The couple valiantly continued on, but soon it became clear that the girls presence had stymied their intimate privacy. The man announced he was going out for a cigarette. The woman made to follow, but suddenly paused. "I don't believe it, are you sure?" 

"That I'm going to smoke a cigarette?"

The woman's voice was shaky, but filled with strange joy "I will stay for a moment, Rolf"

The man raised an eyebrow, but chuckled and left without inquiring further, "I'll be back soon," he said as he closed the cabin door behind him.

For a time there was silence, only the constant pitter patter of the train wheels hitting gaps in the rail joints. The woman seemed to be quietly muttering under her breath very fast, but the girl took no notice.

"Young lady" ventured the woman, "Young lady, I've been told I must speak with you"

The girl said nothing, the countryside blurring past the window that her glazed eyes did not really see.

"Young lady" repeated the woman, now leaning forward to touch the girls shoulder, "young lady, what is your name?"

The girls trance evaporated with the womans touch. She violently recoiled from her fingers as if bitten.

"I'm sorry..." sobbed the girl after a few moments, "I just..I don't want anyone to touch me right now." She brushed her hair aside and wiped the tears away gamely, "My name is Anna"

"I am Inga" replied the woman. "Won't you tell me what is wrong my child?"

For the first time the girl really looked at the woman. Anna could not quite tell how old Inga was, she could have been thirty or quite as easily fifty. Her face seemed smooth and ageless, the only imperfection Anna noticed was strange dark lines under her eyes. Perhaps the cause was the shade from the hat Inga was wearing, a large red velvet summer hat that seemed as timeless as she was.

"I....I don't want to talk about it," the girl said.

"But I cannot allow you to cry on this day, the happiest day of my life"

Anna wiped her eyes for a second time. "The happiest day of your life?"

"Yes," Inga beamed, her smile could have filled the train, "you see, today is the day I have been waiting for since before I can remember. Did you see that man who left just now, Rolf?"

"Yes, I saw him," replied the girl.

"I have finally found him, Anna, you have no idea -no idea- how long I have been searching for that man. I only just found out seconds after you came in. But it all makes sense now."

"It does?"

"Yes young lady, yes. He is the one, he is my True Love."

Anna stared at her for a moment, and burst into a fresh set of tears.

............................

The sun was shining fat, bright and happy over the green grassy hills of Bulgaria. David did a little hopping motion from the station platform onto the train. It was an older train; it's carriages pudgy and ungainly as opposed to the new, sleek steel bullets that screamed across the western European countryside. Faded blue and yellow paint ran it's length, peppered with rust, scratches and scars that made the old locomotive a seasoned veteran of railroad battles. It was the kind of train you might see in a "who done it" mystery from the 1930's. David liked it immediately. He detested the new trains for their speed, their efficiency and complete lack of personality. David had high hopes when he saw this old beast pull into the station.

The conductor was waiting for him in corridor between carriages.

"Which way do I go sir?" David asked the man as he handed over his crumpled ticket. The conductor, who looked to be around his own age, scowled the second the English slipped out of his mouth. He pointed an unenthusiastic finger to the left and then ripped David's ticket in half. David thought little of the mans behavior, American backpackers were always sure to provoke a positive or negative reaction these days. He hummed along to the tune playing out of his Ipod as he nonchalantly strolled through the old train's cars.

He felt he had mastered the art of travel well -as all fresh backpackers do-lugging around a giant green backpack far too big for him. He had arrived in England knowing little to nothing of the world outside California, his parents doubtful he would even last the month.  But to the joy of both him and his folks he had thrived, there was indeed a whole universe to explore, experiences waiting David had been blissfully unaware of all those years. The food, the conversations, the architecture, the girls! David had made love to more beautiful woman in this short time span then since the onset of puberty. He could hardly believe it himself. Travel had been some sort of miracle elixir for him, like the ones hawked by quack doctors in the 1920's as cure-alls for bored housewives. It was as if a great missing piece of his life had fallen into place.

David found his compartment at last, a rather cheery old pull out door marked "4B".  He had purchased a ticket for a sleeper car at the last moment, having been reminded of a particularly bad experience earlier that month on an all night train from Madrid to Rome. David had been squashed between a strange elderly man who smelled strongly of garlic and a loud, outrageously dressed fat woman for a good sixteen hours. He had come to terms with the fact you needed to pay a little more if you were going to get any sleep, and right now he was destined for an all night ride to Prague. He had picked the name randomly at the station, dimly aware it was in the Czech Republic, but like most good Americans could not point it out on a map if you asked. He wasn't willing to part with quite so much of his fast burning money though, so the sleeper car was a shared one with four pull out beds. 

The car smelled deliciously of old wood, blue satin drapes on the windows the same faded vermilion as the train itself. It was a very comfortable space, but a lonely one. David let out a small huff of disappointment- it was clear he the only one here and it just might remain that way. He had looked forward to his anonymous train companions and was struck with the notion he could be in for a long and lonely ride to Prague. 

"No matter," he whistled, unceremoniously hefting the giant green backpack into the overhead storage. After months on the road David immediately recognized that in this instance, with no interaction in the near future and still recovering from a long Bulgarian hangover, he might as well get some shuteye. Not understanding how the beds pulled out he contented himself with laying down on the plush cabin bench. Pulling his travel worn windbreaker over his head, David closed his eyes and drifted into sweet nothingness as the train’s constant and reassuring clitter clatter commenced.

David woke up. He was not sure how much time had passed but a soft voice penetrated the windbreaker, low and husky and decidedly female. The sound was warm and reassuring, for a moment David thought he was still dreaming-but no, it was definitely there. Through the folds of his jacket was just enough space to spy on his new train companion. It was a young woman, wearing a white dress with red polka-dots. Her face was turned toward the window, but he could see she had beautiful, almost unbelievably long lustrous brown hair. It dropped all the way down to her waist and hugged the curves of her dress quite nicely. The hair peeked out from beneath a large red hat, which struck David as being almost as unique as the girl herself. It's wide and circular brim was made of what looked like red velvet, a shiny black band rested beneath the crown and wrapped all the way round.  She looked as if she had stepped out of a painting from the Georgian Era, her manner of dress more akin to a countryside English aristocrat as opposed to the jeans and T-shirts worn by most of David's generation. It seemed to suit her perfectly however.

David slowly and quietly pulled the jacket off his head and sat up. The young lady appeared not to notice and continued to hum her tune as she stared at the countryside flashing past the window. It was slow and gentle, the words she muttered under her breath were in a foreign tongue that sounded like Russian.  David sat quietly for a while and enjoyed the moment, pondering how he should break the ice.

"That’s a beautiful hat," he boldly stated in English, resolving to himself that:

1. Most people under 30 in Europe could speak English 

2. He spoke no other languages anyway.

The woman turned to look at him but did not stop her slow song. She simply stared at him as she continued to croon, and David himself stared because of how beautiful she was. Her brown eyes were large and deep like pools of melting chocolate, her face childlike with little freckles around her full red lips as crimson as her hat. At length she smiled, and when she did two dimples appeared on each end of her grin.

  "Thank you," she breathed in a smoky voice laced with a heavy accent, "but is that the first thing you would notice of me? Only my hat?"

"I..." David hesitated, looking for the next word.

"Relax," she said plucking the hat off her head, "It is a very special hat." She twirled it around a few times with her fingers, "And you know, if you turn it this way-"  its material seemed to shimmer in the sunlight that flashed through the train window, "-it will show you your dreams."

David slowly raised an eyebrow, now genuinely at a loss for words.

She let out a musical laugh, nestled the hat back on her head and held out her hand, "My name is Anna"

"David"

"You are American, no?"

"Is it that obvious?" he smiled, trying to recover some of his lost cool.

"Oh yes, absolutely," She replied.

"Where are you from, Anna?"

"I'm from Latvia."

"Latvia..I hear it's beautiful there," David lied, silently cursing himself for never paying attention in geography, "I met someone that-"

He does not even know where it is

"-lived there when he studied abroad..what was that?"

"What?" She asked, glancing from side to side,

"Nothing.." he murmured, "I thought I heard whispering or something,"

  "Oh my, you do need to relax," She motioned toward his his green backpack, leaning lopsidedly out of the storage space too small for it, "Yours?"

"Yes, I'm having an adventure," he stated proudly, "nine months on the road now."

"Is that all?"

"Well...that's a lot for me. Are you traveling too?"

Anna didn't respond right away. She turned back toward the train window and watched the passing countryside. "A long time now.." she said slowly, her voice laced with sudden sadness.

"Sounds great to me, I can't even think of a life without travel anymore," David said happily, "To be honest with you, my life before this kind of sucked, growing up where I did. I feel like I was trapped in a basement for twenty years." David considered his last statement, "I feel kind of sorry for my friends back in the states"

Anna glanced back at him, "Why is that?"

"Well.. I mean, all they really know or care about is Ukiah, this little rinky dink town in the middle of nowhere. No one thinks of anything happening twenty miles outside it, no one talks about it. My friends-you know how people form themselves into subgroups? It's like the same twenty people and we've all known each other for the last ten years. Over a long enough time span they all end up dating and sleeping with each other and making drama. It just seemed kind of pointless to me. I wanted more."

"You like to talk don't you?" She replied, cutting him down, "They sound happy to me. Perhaps you’re the one with the problem."

David was taken aback, but smiled none-the-less, "That’s a pretty bold thing to say to someone you just met."

"I don't believe in wasting time with strangers. People like you or they don't." 

He clearly likes you

David was about to agree wholeheartedly but stopped, "There is was again, did you hear it?"

"Your hearing is better than most," Anna replied with a mischievous grin, "There is a Russian couple in the cabin next to ours, behind me. I heard them talking before you woke up."

David felt a sting of doubt in his mind but accepted her answer. He didn't want to waste this train ride with such a beautiful woman hearing things anyway. "What was that song you were singing? It was lovely"

"I sing lots of songs, English ones are actually my favorite." said Anna, "How old are you David?"

"Twenty-three," he replied, and then bizarrely, inexplicably Anna opened her mouth and started singing something from Disney's "Little Mermaid" before he could say anything more.

………………

Inga let Anna cry as long as she needed to. At some point Rolf opened the cabin door, bringing in a slight waft of dark tobacco. Anna tried and failed miserably to curtail her sobbing. 

"Rolf," said Inga, her face blossoming with joy again as he entered,  "I think I need to have some girl time with my new friend here. Are you hungry?"

Rolf glanced at the girl, took the situation in and smiled, "I am a bit...yes, I am famished in fact. Should I make my way to the dinner car?"

"You read my mind Rolf, I will be there as soon as I can"

"How do you like your steak?" asked Rolf.

"Rare, and a glass of red wine"

"I will be waiting with two glasses, take your time,"

The smell of tobacco lingered in the cabin air long after Rolfs passing. Inga, careful this time not to touch her companion, started again. 

"My child, tell me your story."

"I don't want to," sobbed the girl.

"But there is no one better then a stranger on a train whom you will never meet again. I do not know your friends or family, I cannot betray your secrets. I want to help you"

"You cannot help me, no one can." 

"Oh but you are wrong," countered Inga, "I can help, I can listen. And perhaps...I can help even more than that." Inga sounded strangely discontent with the last statement.

The girl remained silent. 

"Tell me," Inga gently commanded.

Like a dam bursting, the words came spilling out of Anna’s mouth. "I have...I have nothing. My heart is broken. The life I was trying to build for the last three years is destroyed. I have nothing to show for it but to be three years older. The man I loved, whom I loved more than anything and wanted to spend my life with..he..cheated on me. I didn't even know of it for months, but everyone knew, everyone but me. In our bed, in our bed. And even after that I forgave him, but it meant nothing. I cannot touch him anymore without seeing it, I cannot touch anyone, I cannot trust anyone. I have nightmares every night. I wake up and my days feel empty" Anna looked up from her tear filled torrent and looked at Inga directly, "How can I trust anyone after this?"

Inga looked at her sadly, "What was his name?"

"...Daniel, Daniel...I don't want to speak it, don't make me say it again. I just want this pain to go away. How can someone be this cruel? I don't understand"

"Was he very handsome?" Inga asked.

"Yes....he was very good looking."

"This is the way with handsome young men," chided Inga, "You cannot ask them to commit so much at such a young age, they are bound to make mistakes"

"Yes, someone else told me this once. But I didn't believe it, I don't believe it. I thought he was the one. It took me so long, so long to find him."

Inga shifted in her seat. The girls last comment seem to make her uncomfortable. "But my child, you are so young and beautiful. Surely this is not the end of your life. I'm sure many men like Daniel will be knocking on your door within moments now that he is gone."

"I didn't want other men, I have never looked at other men. Daniels hair, his eyes, face, all the other details had no worth to me, and they helped nohow, nohow, nowhow. I never looked at anyone else, never engaged with anyone else. He was the one. I don't..I don't know what to do anymore. The apartment we had together is in his name. The life we built together was his, our friends were his. I have nothing. I am returning to my family in Valmira. They don't even know. They loved him as much as I did." The girl breathed heavily, and spoke under her breath so Inga could not hear her, "I want to die."

Whether or not Inga had heard her, she seemed nearly as distraught as the girl. She kept muttering to herself, completely unnoticed by the crying Anna. "Are you sure, are you really sure? It has been so long, I do not really believe it," she said under her breath.

(I am sure.)

…………….

David was completely taken with Anna within the hour. He could never predict what she was going to say, and everything that came out of her mouth was honest and interesting. She also seemed to possess a mystical ability to cut though all of his bullshit. All the tricks and smiles and sarcastic things he said seemed to have no avail. He quite honestly felt almost naked talking to her, it infuriated him and enchanted him all at the same time.

"I'm starving," said Anna, biting her lip. "My tummy needs food."

"You’re ridiculously cute when bite your lip," David ventured, but once again was shot down immediately.

"Don't be so daring. I have to admire someone to like them."

"Well you can at least admire my ability to produce some free food," David reached up and pulled down his gigantic green backpack, "I picked something up at a bakery on the way here. Dinner on trains is way too pricey for me" 

David opened up a special pocket on the backpack he used for preserving delicate objects, like food or the occasional joint encountered on the road. He plucked out something wrapped in bright yellow paper, tied with a ribbon.

"That looks too pretty to eat," Anna said.

David smiled, "it was a gift from my host in Sofia, her mother made it. It's called Banitsa," David untied the ribbon and unwrapped the paper as he talked, the yellow gave way to the golden brown spiral a cracked and buttery pastry. The crust was flaky and David made a mess as he ripped it in half, a cheesy smell infiltrating the cabin. "Do you know it?  Feta cheese is cooked in the middle. I don't think I could live without cheese"

"Yes I know it, I've been around Europe once or twice," her voice was laced with light sarcasm. 

"Well apparently, during Christmas they’re baked with little fortunes wrapped inside the spiral. I guess it's kind of like a Bulgarian fortune cookie." David handed her the larger half wrapped in yellow paper.

  "Where did you learn that?" inquired Anna, "did the mother tell you?"

"Nope nope," said David, "all myself. I looked it up on Wikipedia while I was waiting for the train. I fucking love Wikipedia so much I cannot even begin to tell you."

"Why?"

"Why! It's the entire sum of human knowledge in the palm of your hand. Can you even imagine that for the vast course of human history, people didn't even have access to Libraries?" David stated magnanimously, waving his hands in the air, "For thousands of years you could walk down the road and see a squirrel, wonder about it, and you couldn't do a damn thing. Now I can see a squirrel and immediately look it up, within 5 minutes I know more about squirrels then I ever wanted to know. It's amazing."

David leaned back and chewed his Banitsa confidently. This was something he was passionate about and thought for once he might actually impress the unimpressable Anna.

He seems quite full of himself doesn't he.

Anna used paper as a wrapper and took a large bite, chewing slowly.

But he does seem intelligent.

"This reminds me of being a little girl," said Anna, abruptly changing the subject and then saying no more. David stomached his annoyance and took the bait. 

"I suppose it's all pretty close together around here, could you find this in the supermarket when you were young?" He asked.

"Supermarket?" Anna let out another musical laugh, "we didn't have Supermarkets where I grew up dear David, when I was a little girl we still lived in the age of communism."

"When did that change, when the Berlin wall fell? What was it...er, like 1985?"

I take back what I said just now

Anna chuckled again, "It was a bit later then that. When I was a girl we had this...I don't know the word. A store with everything in it you needed. You could not just pick things off shelves, a man got it for you"

"A general store?"

"Yes I think this is it, I read this word once. A general store. It's not the food that reminds me," she said between bites, "It's the paper it is wrapped in. Everything there was wrapped in bright colored paper, like this song from this movie, the Sound of Music. When I was a girl I used to dream of working there."

"You dreamed of working in a general store?" David said incredulously.

"Of course. That place was the world to me. Everything was so beautiful, it was magic for me this store when my mother took me there. Our town was so tiny. I used to play make-pretend shop keeper with my friends. I wanted to...control those things. To have this power to give people these beautifully wrapped meats and candies, these useful items."

"You’re a sweetheart."

He's a creep

"Klusu, es viņam patīk," muttered Anna.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing," Anna quickly replied, "I forget to speak in English sometimes. It was Latvian, it means "Thank you"

David smiled, though in the back of his mind it had not seemed like a "Thank you" to him. "So what happened," he said, "How come you didn't follow your dreams and become a shop keeper."

"Well, when Latvia declared it's independence, everything changed"

"What changed?"

"We got MTV

………………….

"Anna, may I tell you a story?"

"Ok..," muttered the girl, clearly awash in her own thoughts

"It is about Daniel," said Inga, and Anna’s attention was captured.

"A long time ago-I must have been about your age in fact-I used to ride my bike to work every morning. I loved cycling to work because there is not much to rival traveling through such a beautiful city in the morning, the streets filled with sunlight and freshness. I used to find so much joy in those simple things, and by the time I arrived at my job I was filled with happiness. I would park my bike everyday in the same spot. Everyday I parked there was a man not ten feet from me in the other office building behind a window, typing away and looking very serious-and a bit sad. So when would I arrive happy and smiley, some of my smile was given also to him. He always watched me parking my bike, and one day after a week or so I not only smiled but waved to him. That was the first time I saw his serious face change, and he smiled back at me."

Inga leaned back into her seat and let out a long sigh. When she spoke she seemed to be speaking of an ancient past which was difficult to remember.

"It went on like this for a long time, months. It became a routine, waving at this strange man every morning and him waving back at me. I really enjoyed our word-less interaction, it felt like having a special secret with someone you did not know"

The girl sniffled a little bit, "That's nice.." but her voice sounded forced, disinterested.

"Pay attention my child, this story is everything. You see, long after this, I used to fantasize that one day I would arrive at work and he would be gone. Disappeared. Dead perhaps, and I would have never known his name. It would have ended as a beautiful little moment two strangers shared. But that is not what happened. One day after work I stepped outside and found a note on my bicycle. It was from the man. He had enjoyed our special secret as well, and wanted to know if I would come out for a drink.”

"Did you go?" asked the girl.

"Of course."

"What happened?"

"What do you think happened? I fell in love with him. I thought he was the one, I knew he was. He was my world entire. No other men had ever interested me before, their advances bored me and I cared little for what they actually wanted. But he was different. He was kind and deep and-" Inga smiled coyly, "-very attractive."

The girl did not return her smile, "And then he broke your heart, didn't he?"

Inga coughed uncomfortably and held onto the brim of her hat the next time she opened her mouth. It seemed to give her strength. "Yes...it doesn't matter how now. But it ended. And I-just like you-had nothing, less than nothing. Food had no taste. Sunlight held no joy for me anymore. My interactions with people were empty and meaningless. I blamed myself. I was ready to end my life."

The girl glanced up suspiciously, wondering if the woman had heard her. Without warning Inga shot forward in her seat and grabbed Anna’s hands in hers. The girl tried to pull back but the woman's grip was like steel, her hands strangely cold. Inga’s eyes stared into hers, the dark lines underneath widening like eclipsing moons. The girl saw Inga's pupils were shaking and shivering back and forth, and she was scared.

"And then I met someone," Inga hissed, her face inches from Anna’s, "someone who gave me a gift, a gift that changed my life forever. It saved me from that pain. It gave me hope, and today that hope came true, after so many sacrifices"

Anna’s fear receded even as Inga’s grip tightened. "What was it?"

"Anna, I ask you to answer me honestly. You must answer me honestly. Do you ever want to make this mistake again. To feel this way? I can help you, I really can, but I must know that you are serious."

"I never want to feel this way again"

"Would you be willing to do anything, give up anything, to find the real true love that is out there waiting for you?"

"Yes"

"Do you ever want your heart broken again?"

Anna's whole body shuddered, her eyes peering strait into Inga's, "Never."

…………….

The blue trains diesel heart chugged endlessly as sun the sank beneath the horizon. The countryside had turned mountainous, and the sunset splashed a vivid maroon across the sky that made the mountains glow like something out of the Old Testament.

"Ah, it's so beautiful, is it not?" sighed Anna pleasurably,  "Just seeing the colors like this always fills me with such simple joy."

David was reminded of an old friend who once told him that "even the worst blowjob was better than the best sunset"..but for perhaps the first time that day he wisely kept his mouth shut. It really was a lovely skyline, David allowed himself to take it in for a moment minus the cynical thoughts.

The cabin door slid open and in stepped the train attendant David encountered earlier that day. The man glanced at him first and sniffed dismissively. He turned his head, saw Anna, and was almost visibly stunned. It's not just me then, David thought.

The attendant quickly caught his breath though, slicked his hair back and said in a thick accent, "Do you have a ticket miss?"

"Sŭzhalyavam moya krasiv priyatel , az ne." replied Anna with an blinding smile that lit the small room, "Az go pusna nyakŭde sled Kachvam se na vlaka"

The young conductor seemed as surprised as David. "Bŭlgarska li ste ? Ne go gledam, no go govori perfektno!" he replied raising his eyebrows.

While slightly frustrated he couldn't understand the words being said, David had traveled long enough to be used to such things and instead paid attention to the body language and tone. It was quickly apparent that Anna, just like himself, was a bit of a pirate. And quite a master one at that, he felt as if he were fifteen years old again and watching his older sister talk her way out of speeding tickets.

Anna delivered her coup de grace, "Molya, mozhe li da izglezhdat po drug nachin, samo tozi pŭt?" she said as she swished her hair back and bit her lip.

The young attendant was utterly at her mercy, and David not quite successfully stifled a little chuckle. The attendant stammered something apologetic, turned slightly back towards David and shot him a look of the purest loathing, and left.

"No ticket, eh?" asked David with a wry smile.

"I do have a ticket, just not for this train," she stated with officiousness, "would you rather I had gotten on the one tomorrow, and not met you?"

"No" said David, "I'm glad you got on this train"

"I am too," replied Anna, "I am actually enjoying myself I think"

"You think? There you go ruining a perfectly good romantic moment"

"It was ruined by you, pointing it out like this" countered Anna, who actually looked angry.

David put his hands up in mock surrender, "You win. I lose. Was that Bulgarian you were speaking to the ticket guy?"

"Yes"

"Wow, where did you learn it, how many languages do you speak?"

"Many many...but it is not so uncommon here, we are not in America you know"

"Haha, where I grew up, being bilingual is like a superpower"

Anna cocked her head to the side, "What’s it like, to be American?"

David considered for a moment, "I'm not sure how to answer, I haven't known anything different"

"Do you know the term Ugly American?"

"Quite well. You know I read somewhere that something like six percent of Americans actually have passports."

"I am glad you are one of the six percent"

"I am too."

------------

Inga released Anna’s hands from her cold grip.  "it's happening then, it's really happening," Inga gushed, her voice a mixture of pain and jubilation. "You cannot know how much I will miss you."

"Who are you talking to?" Anna asked, still recovering from such an intense moment, still filled with hope Inga had not lied.

Inga looked at the girl and smiled gently. She reached up and touched her red hat, delicately, almost lovingly, and removed it from her head. "Do you like my hat, young lady?"

"I-yes, I noticed it the second I saw you, it's beautiful."

"It is, yes, a beautiful hat. But more than that, it is very special," Inga beamed as she held it out into the daylight pouring through the train window. She twirled it around a few times, and the sunshine seemed to bounce and play off the red velvet. "And if you turn it this way, it will show you your dreams."

"My dreams?

"In a way-yes-it will," Inga made to place the hat back on her head, a gesture she had repeated many thousands of times-

(No.)

-but jerked to a stop midway. She hesitated, Inga’s face suddenly creased and lined. Anna thought she saw a bead of sweat forming at the top of Inga’s brow. She held the hat in place for a moment, and than ever so slowly lowered it down into her lap.

"Young Lady, where did you say you were getting off, Valmira?"

"Yes"

"That's the next stop then," sighed Inga, "Perhaps it's fate, in less then an hour you will be gone. We shall not meet again, you and I." She took a long, deep breath and said nothing for a moment. Anna sat, confused and breathless. "I'm going to give you my hat Anna."

"Your hat?"

"Yes my hat"

"I don't understand"

"You will"

"You said you would help me find true love"

"I am" said Inga, and she held hat halfway between the two of them. "Take it"

Anna tentatively reached her hand out to accept Inga’s gift, wrapping her fingers around the red brim. She pulled lightly, but Inga was not letting go. She pulled harder, and Inga squeezed that much more in return. "Inga..?"

"TAKE IT," Inga screamed in a voice completely alien. She violently pushed the hat into Anna and let go as if she had been holding burning metal. Anna backed away from her, confused and worried. Inga sank back into the velvet seat like a deflated balloon. Ingas plump and vibrant blonde curls that bobbed so joyfully before seemed limp and colorless, the dark circles under her eyes much more apparent, lined and wrinkled. All the charm and decor displayed earlier had seeped out of her. 

  For a time there was silence.

"'I'm going now, to Rolf." Inga suddenly stated to what seemed like no one in particular. With what grace she had remaining she stood up-faltered for just a moment-but kept herself steady. She walked to the cabin door, opened it, and turned back towards Anna. A single tear played its way along the bottom of her right eye and drifted slowly down Inga’s cheek. "Goodbye," she said, "Thank you for saving my life."

"Your life?" Anna began but had no chance to finish, Inga was gone. Anna’s misery was completely forgotten by the bizarre experience. She stared dumbly at the hat, it sat limply in her hands.

What had that been all about? She didn't know. Anna decided whenever she saw the hat it would remind her of the strangest encounter she ever had. She held it up and twirled it around just as Inga had. It really is quite beautiful she thought.  She glanced at her reflection in the window, this sad girl with tear stained eyes, and just as quickly all the pain came rushing back. Daniel came rushing back, and she let out a little sob. Please, she prayed to god, let it be alright, let us get back together again. She looked again at the hat. Will I look as good as Inga did in this? 

Anna placed it on her head, and to her surprise it fit quite snugly. She turned back to the window, and the sad girl seemed much more elegant now. She forced a little smile.

"Hello," Said the hat.

…………….

As the locomotive chugged on into the night the boy and girl continued to talk. And as boys and girls tend to do, they grew closer as the hands of the clock moved from PM to AM. The light in the cabin had taken on a honey filled hue. 

"Anna, do you like kissing?" David asked.

"Yes..." she replied,

"What kind of kissing do you like? Slow and soft? Hard and intense?"

"It really depends on the moment doesn't it?"

"I agree," he replied, not really hearing what she was saying. David had decided he wasn't going to go a second longer without kissing her. He leaned closer, and his voice took on a very soft quality, a predator ready to pounce  "You know, I've always thought that when two people come together, they always produce a unique kiss. It's never quite the same. Would you agree?"

"I don't know, I haven't kissed that many people," Anna said shyly, looking down to the floor.

"What?" David pulled back a bit, the moment temporarily deferred, "Someone as beautiful as you, I cannot believe it"

Anna said nothing, and David while surprised could not be dissuaded from his self appointed task. "Do you think you’re a good kisser?" He moved closer, she did not move back.

"The men in my life have always been happy with me"

"Really?" he said, leaning, breathing into her, "Show me."

He planted a finger softly on her cheek, the touch felt electric. David closed his eyes and took the plunge into one of the best things in life, the first kiss. But it was not to be, his lips brushed hers and Anna froze like ice. She pulled back, and the beautiful moment shattered into a million awkward little pieces. David, horrified, was immediately torn between the sadness of her rejection and surprise that he had misjudged it all so badly. There wasn't really anything to say in times like this, something like "You don't want to kiss me?" was beneath even him- actions clearly spoke for themselves. So there they remained for a few seconds in graceless silence, and after what seemed like an eternity, Anna spoke. 

"I....I'm sorry..I have to go to the bathroom, excuse me."  She got up and left.

"Oh David," he lamented, "God damnit"

The tiny bathroom continually shuddered with the movement of the train, after the old cozy opulence of the cabins the W.C. felt claustrophobic and dirty. Anna's reflection in the mirror frowned back at her, the dark circles under her eyes all the more apparent in her twined self. "I like him, I really like him," said Anna.

"I know you do," chuckled the hat deep rich baritone, it's true voice so very different from it's whispers, "and when I see you talking to him, he might be the one, he just might."

"You really think so? I want him to be the one, we've been searching for so very long." said Anna in a pleading tone. 

"We've been down this road many times before Anna, when the moment comes, I will know whether or not he is right for you."

"But...but, if he is not the right one, does it need to end this way? I think he is a good person."

"No person is wholly good nor bad my puppet," mused the hat, "one day I will have to tell you the secrets of the universe."

Anna scowled, "You know I don't like this nickname"

"Do you think I like being a hat? We do not get to chose our lot in life, we can only follow the path God has given us"

Anna gulped down a deep breath of air, then pushed it out in a long and steady stream. She had made her decision. "I want to try but..."

"Yes?"  Though the hat already knew what she was going to ask.

"Nothing." she said resolutely, wiping the tiniest of tears from her eye, "I'm ready."

"I know you are," the red hat seemed to shiver with anticipation, "as am I. I will never let anyone break your heart."

Anna grabbed the handle, "I know," she whispered under her breath. She opened the bathroom door, and made her way back to the cabin.

Fuck!  David thought to himself as he sucked down cigarette smoke, a filthy habit he picked up a few years ago and couldn't get rid of. The train was old enough to have a little smoking section in the far end of the gangway connection, an old throw back to times when it was uncommon to not smoke. He blew a long white stream into the cold night air, it twisted instantly as it hit the rushing wind. 

He had blown the moment. He cursed himself. He wanted to kiss her so badly. The routine was ingrained in him like stone. Chat, flirt, tell some interesting stories. Make a connection, fall in love with them just a little bit. David had no need to feign interest in their lives or work, he was naturally interested in everything to begin with. Approach, touch, talk in a warm and smooth voice that melted like honey over them. Kiss them.  But none of that had worked, and all his old tricks seemed to reflect like water thrown on glass when it came to Anna. What was worse, he knew somewhere deep down inside of him that she was different, and he had fallen in love with her more then just a little bit.

He burned through the cigarette all too quickly, and was left cold and filled with dread at his inevitable return to the cabin. What will happen now, will she even return? And if she does, what will the rest of the night be? Pretending to sleep on opposite ends of the room, her scared and him frustrated and sad? He hated it.

A few more minutes passed, and the cold night air made dallying there any longer impossible. David resigned himself to the sad fate that awaited him, he turned back through the gangway and entered the train car. He took a deep breath, braced himself for whatever awkwardness was about to transpire, and opened the door. 

The lights were off.

The moonlight pierced the window and divided the room into a sharp line of light and dark. Anna stood in the middle of the cabin. She was wearing her red hat, but nothing else.

Her exquisitely long hair layered itself across her naked body almost like a makeshift dress, it covered her breasts and made its way all the way down to parts forbidden. The cabin was strangely cold, he could see her breathing was rapid as small vapor clouds puffed out of her mouth. She seemed to David like some kind of fairy, the light dancing off her pale skin. She moved towards him and he felt her nakedness like wildfire running through his veins. Inches between them, she reached behind him and shut the door he had forgotten existed. David made to speak, but Anna put a finger to his lips "Shhhh," she whispered, and gently took his hands in hers and guided him to the pullout bed, already waiting for them.

Her hands, strangely cool to the touch, directed David to lay down on the bed. Anna straddled him with the grace of a princess. The cool condensation of the night made her skin shimmer, her body radiated, a shaft of moonlight played across her chest revealing nipples taunt and peaking their way through her long hair. She leaned forward, and that same hair brushed across his chest and made David shiver. Her face was inches from his. She caressed his head lovingly with her silky fingers. 

"Will you use me?" she whispered, her dark brown eyes questioning his.  "Can I trust you?"

David stared back into them, and when he spoke he meant it with all his soul, "Yes."

Anna held his face in her hands, they simply breathed for a moment, slow and heavy. She pulled away from him gradually, deliberately. David stared at her beautiful face, he honestly could not believe this was happening.

 Without any warning, the beauty in her expression twisted and contorted into one of agony and hatred. Her lips curled back, her eyes welling with tears. "LIAR!," Anna abruptly screamed, pulling the hat off her head, "LIAR, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE, HE SAYS SO, HE ALWAYS KNOWS."

"Woah-Anna-What the fu-" David began, but he didn't have time to finish.

The last thing he ever saw in the dim moonlight was the bottom of her beautiful red hat, hundreds of sickly yellow teeth lining the inside. Anna shoved it violently down on his face, and David’s muffled screams of horror were immediately lost inside it's velvet embrace. He struggled, jerking his arms forward unconsciously to get it off of him. The black ribbon unwound from the brim and instantly pinned both his wrists to the bed, wrapping themselves around his hands, twisting around his fingers like liquid black snakes. Two slits split open in the hat like rotten fruit bursting, and eyes blacker than pitch peered back at Anna. Another rent in the cloth below these, and the same brown and yellow teeth clicked and clacked as the hats voice boomed forth, "Move," it ordered.

It was not hard for Anna, David was jerking and struggling with every ounce of strength in his body.

The ribbons of the hat seemed endless, pouring forth from underneath the brim across David like tentacles made of black steel. Within moments they had enveloped his body completely, dancing and twisting in the soft light of the cabin around his limbs, David's frantic movements completely contained. Still he screamed, but now his screams had words, his muffled voice seemed miles away but still perceptible.

"ANNA, HELP ME, WHAT IS HAPPENING, I CAN'T MOVE, SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE"

The ribbon constricted in reaction to his screams, followed by a cracking noise as it broke several of his fingers.

"Quiet,"  said the hat, and David’s voice became a dull and distant moan.

Anna sat on the cabin floor next to him in a fetal position, rocking back and forth with her head between her knees, her tears and saliva mixing together as she whispered, "Please....please make it quick. I really liked him, please don't hurt him," she spluttered between gasps, "Please...please...he is good..please don't hurt him too much."

The top of the hat split open like a blooming flower and the cabin was flushed with the sent of ammonia. From it's darkness came forth an oily appendage, segmented and insect like, curved and shaped like a scorpions stinger. It positioned itself over David’s chest, strange dark liquid slowly and steadily dripping from the tip that left little wiffs of acrid smoke as they encountered his body. David jerked and gasped as each drop landed. The thing which had no human name slowly raised higher and higher, readying itself.

"Please..." Anna pleaded hysterically, reaching out and cupping David's hand in hers, "Please..."

Time seemed to freeze for a moment, and Anna’s mind flashed with a montage of images. Late nights spent talking long after the sun went down, cuddling together while watching movies. Dancing, lively conversation, fighting, loving. A beautiful white wedding, their parents teary eyed with joy at the happy couple. A cottage in a far off country, chubby little children running the grassy green lawn and shrieking with delight.

Time unfroze, and the hat drove it's stinger into David’s heart with such force that his legs spasmed up into the air. His hand clenched Anna’s and she felt the life seep out of him.

"Ahhhhhhh" exhaled the hat in a tone laced with sexual pleasure. There was a sucking, pumping sound as the appendage went about it's work. David’s body was still now. With some effort Anna unpeeled her hand from his, and crawled to the other end of the cabin, sobbing. For a long time only the soft whimper of the girl could be heard, her face in her hands, every now and again the wet noise of a bone cracking, a limb shifting, as the beautiful red hat slowly consumed David.

"Anna..." whispered the hat shyly, it’s voice like that of a guilty lover, tinged with regret, "Anna..I'm finished"

Anna did not know how much time had passed. When she glanced at the bed there was nothing but the red hat, perched serenely on a pile of disheveled clothing that was ripped and stained with little splotches of black liquid. She moaned and turned away toward the window. A single strand of black ribbon unwound from the brim and floated through the air toward her, reassuringly stroking her cheek.

"Puppet, it's over. I need your help"

She found her voice, it came out of her as if compressed with a vice, "Why why must it end like this, always…why." she whispered.

The ribbon found it's way under her chin and hardened, lifting her face up involuntarily.

"Now is not the time for why's,” stated the hat, "You need to focus. Come over here and gather up the clothes. Search his pockets and his backpack for money"

The ribbon wrapped its way around Anna’s body and lifted her off the floor. It slowly but firmly tugged her as she stumbled to the bed. 

Anna picked up the hat first, her arm shaking.

"Put me where I belong." 

Anna placed the hat on her head obediently, it's familiar feel seemed to give her more strength.

She sifted through the ripped clothing that a short time ago contained David. Soon enough she extracted a large messy wad of Euros, now speckled and stained with little black spots. In the same pocket she found David's passport, and could not help but glance at the front page. There he was, much younger in the picture, but David all the same. She did not feel the tears as much as saw the droplets hit the laminated page, slightly obscuring his face.

"Now now, we cannot have that anymore,” cooed the hat, gently wiping her eyes with a ribbon, "I'm surprised you have any more tears to shed, so much have you cried. He is gone now. He was not the one. I always know."

The ribbon floated downwards and closed the passport with an air of finality. 

"Come now, I know how we can lighten the mood. Why don't you sing, do you remember the song from the Jungle Book that the girl sings at the very end? I always loved it when you sang that song. Why don't you sing it now."

"I can't," Anna rasped, her voice barely a whisper.

"Sing for me," repeated the hat, "I command it."

The young woman picked up what she could of the clothing and struggled to form the words, "Father's hunting in the forest.."  -made her way to the cabin window- "mother's cooking in the home.." -undid the latch and opened it, the cold air rushing in- "I must go and fetch the water.."  -released the clothing into the nights abyss, the wind taking hold of it instantly- "til the day that I am grown.."

And the train continued on.

The morning was grey and muggy as the old blue train grinded to a loud halt in Prague's main station. The hustle and bustle of a commercial center was just beginning, the early risers hawking their wares to the tourists, travelers and everyday patrons of the station. Sweet cinnamon rolls glazed and toasted to perfection, newspapers freshly delivered that decorated small booths like bouquets of white flowers. A loud speaker blared guttural Czech in the background announcing the comings and goings of the locomotives.

A young woman stepped daintily onto the platform. She was wearing a white polka-dot dress and a beautiful red hat, as she glided into the heart of the station she drew looks from the passerby's. The shade of the hat hid the dark, tear stained lines of her eyes.

...don't be upset, it's a brand new day and look how beautiful it's going to be, think of all the adventures that await us..

The woman approached a booth and gave an empty smile to the man selling breakfast muffins. He happily gave her the biggest one, shaking his head when she asked how much. She glided away and left him sighing under his breath. 

..heard talk that France has lovely weather right now...

The young woman approached the ticket stand, standing patiently behind a distraught German couple angry at how unorganized these Eastern European trains were.

...know he wasn't even that special, remember Jonas in Portugal? Now there was a catch, it's a shame he wasn't the one..

The older gentleman at the counter wiped his brow in consternation after he had dealt with the stubborn Germans. As the young lady stepped forward his expression abruptly transformed to delight.

.....and you know Anna, the most important thing, the thing you must always remember is..

"Do you know where you’re going miss?" he asked in a thick accent.

....I will never break your heart....

"I know," she said, laying several crumpled bills on the counter that were stained with little black splotches. The young lady looked up at the man, and this time her smile was vividly real and amazing to see. "One ticket to Paris please. A sleeper car."

……………

A single tear played its way along the bottom of her right eye and drifted slowly down Inga’s cheek. "Goodbye," she said, "Thank you for saving my life." 

When Anna dreamed and dared to ask herself the questions she dare not ask when conscious, she would always wonder if Inga had been speaking to her- or the hat.

The End.

E.S.A